I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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