No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
