I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
