yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
