I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
