why didn't you poke me back
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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