You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
