summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
