is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
