dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
