Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
