**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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