Someone shit on the floor
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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