he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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