Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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