life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
