Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
