He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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