I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
