You can't special order awesome
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
