Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
