Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
