Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
