Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
