What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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