so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
