You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
