glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
