I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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