It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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