So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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