and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
