Moan for me like Helen Keller
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
