I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
