My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
