I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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