Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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