i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
