oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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