so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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