I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
