does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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