no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
