The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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