What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
