i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
