I think I just saw someone hide a body.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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