He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
