it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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