What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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